Trigger
by gracelessheart
Summary: A song on the radio triggers old memories to resurface and be revisited. Slight Morgan/Prentiss.


**Trigger**

**Summary: **It doesn't take much to trigger a reaction and for the dam to break. M/P.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

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A comfortable silence had settled between the two partners as the SUV swept smoothly along the country road of north Virginia. The radio played softly in the background and with the finally warm, sunny weather reaching the East Coast, it was a nice day. They were on their way back to Quantico after doing a consult up in Philadelphia over the day. The first only the two of them had gone away for since Emily's return.

The intro to yet another song began and Morgan moved to turn up the volume slightly as Adele's powerful voice sounded through the speakers.

"Please don't," Emily suddenly spoke up tightly. Her faced had snapped around from the window to meeting his as if she'd been burned.

"What? You don't like the song?" he asked, raising his eyebrows her way. Emily wasn't the type to have emotional reactions to pop music.

"Just turn it off, Derek. Please."

Something in her voice moved his hand back to the lever, quickly lowering the volume. He glanced sideways at her for a long moment. He knew she knew he was watching her. But she ignored him. Pretended she didn't notice. She had done that before and he hated it. When she shut him out. Last time he'd given in and that had resulted in seven months of believing he'd lost her.

"You gonna tell me what this is all about?"

"Derek..." she tried to once more evade the questioning that would come out of this.

"Don't give me that. Why do you hate this song?"

She took a deep breath, still refusing to look at him. She stared down at her hands that lay limply in her lap.

"It was on the radio that day... When I waited for my flight to Paris. And I don't know... It just stuck. There's something about it, the feeling... Now every time I hear it I'm back in that car on the airstrip, texting JJ before they took my phone."

Forced to keep his eyes on the road, Derek didn't have to look at her to be aware of the pain showing on her face at the memories that suddenly resurfaced.

"It felt like everything was taken away from me. I had no control... Of all the places I've been, I don't think I've ever felt more lonely than in that one single moment," she almost whispered.

It was if the dam broke. Suddenly there was words to all the things she'd felt and thought about but never really been able to express. She knew she had plenty of people to rely on, that she trusted with her secrets. But no one knew better than her that all it took was something to trigger a reaction.

"I'm still sorry, Emily."

"You can't beat yourself up over that day. It has never been your fault."

"I'm still sorry for what you had to go through. Alone."

She seemed to accept his explanation and fell back into silence again. He studied her out of the corner of his eye. He'd honestly thought it was much better now. It had been a rough start and through Emily's persistence they were doing much better now, falling back into their same pattern and rhythm in the field. And outside as well. Morning runs and coffee breaks weren't filled with tension and awkwardness. Conversation flowed freely, jokes were cracked and he could look into her eyes again without feeling that immense burden of guilt bearing down on him.

But seeing her now, sitting quietly in the passenger's seat looking so utterly broken, he realized that her wounds were still fresh. It didn't matter if their partnership had healed. Her memories were still simmering just beneath the surface and something as insignificant as a song could make those memories come back to life, vivid and frightening.

"I still see him, you know, " she broke the silence once again and she didn't have to look up to know she'd gotten his attention. "All the time."

"What do you mean?"

"I imagine seeing his face in a crowd. Hearing his voice. Just...feeling his presence. Even if I watched him die. Every time I hear from Declan, it feels like Ian's still here, just waiting to take it all away again..."

"You still keep in touch with Declan?" Derek found he wasn't surprised by this. Not as surprised as he was by the fact that she hadn't told him this.

"He e-mails me sometimes. The rare phone call. He's forgiven me, it seems. He understands I'm not the bad guy. He's doing really well. Hell of a lot better than I am, " she said, shaking her head at herself.

Derek let his eyes rest on the road for a few minutes, not really knowing what to say. She had never revealed so much about those seven months over seas. She'd told him bits and pieces but not much, as if talking about it would make it more real than it already was. Not that he blamed her, talking about would bring back some painful memories for him too, for all of them.

In his periphery, he noted Emily quickly swiping a finger under her eyes, trying to hide the tears welling up. As she leaned back in her seat, blinking furiously, Derek had had enough. As quickly as he could, he pulled the car over to the side of the road, forcefully hitting the breaks and the fact that Emily didn't seem to even acknowledge the abrupt stop caused the weight in his chest to feel just a little heavier.

"Emily, look at me..."

Slowly, she turned her face up to meet his. The mask she slipped on every day had vanished and Morgan couldn't recall one single moment where he'd seen her so vulnerable before. She just looked at him, wide, tear-filled eyes steadily fastened on his. Tentatively, he reached out and let his thumb brush across her cheek. When she didn't pull away, he gently pressed his palm to the slightly damp skin of her cheek and it became slightly easier to breathe.

"I hate this... I hate what it's done to me," she whispered fearfully, leaning into the comfort his gentle touch was offering. She had never been a fan of closeness or this type of intimacy before. Or showing tears either for that matter.

Practically hearing the pain in her voice, Derek was certain the recently mended cracks in his heart would open up again. This haunted her still. Every day. And he hadn't realized. Another failure, just like last time. He leaned closer, letting his free hand grasp hers and his forehead coming down to gently press against hers. She closed her eyes at the close contact and for a moment he let his eyes fall shut, too.

They sat in silence for a minute, listening to the swoosh of cars passing by, both comforted by the other's close proximity. As they'd healed they had also grown. Changed. Feeling Emily gripping his hand just a little tighter reminded him of how much they'd changed.

"It won't leave me, Derek. I don't think it ever will..."

"That's ok. I won't either."

Opening her eyes, she saw the promise written all over his face. Partly born out of guilt and regrets of the past year but also everything they were before that. And everything they'd turned into because of it.

"I know," she answered and finally managed a small but genuine smile. He smiled slightly too, before pulling away and starting up the car.

Approximately one hour later as he pulled into the parking lot at headquarters, Emily was still holding his hand.

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**Random oneshot. Slightly inspired by the season finale even before I watched it. A proper tag to the two last episodes will be up later on. Review make me happy, and you know it. Thanks for reading. **


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